Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Stupidity Surplus

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present our most abundant resource - STUPIDITY! Trust me, there is enough stupidity to circle the globe many times over and still have some left to spare. Of course, it helps that the supply of stupidity is directly proportional with the world's population. With seven billion humans roaming the land, there's no shortage of stupidity, if only ! Please let me clarify what I mean by stupidity. I'm not referring to those of us who are slow or suffer from learning disabilities or other ailments. These individuals were born with such limitations, to no fault of their own. They endure insufferable ostracization because they are misplaced and under utilized by society. When I say stupid, I'm referring to the dumdums of this world. Those who are too lazy, too indifferent or too selfish to do better. Those who are fully aware of the correct way to behave, yet freely elect to remain stupid and do as they please with a complete disregard to others. Those who repeatedly refuse to learn despite numerous eye-rolling  scorns and stares of contempt. I have often wondered if these individuals are truly oblivious to the magnitude of their stupidity until I notice a slight change in their demeanor as I visibly reach the tipping point of my dumdum tolerance. They fleetly retreat and correct course, thus I am reminded that these people are stupid by choice. 

To further illustrate, let me give you a for instance,
  1. The dumdums who always make a right turn at the red lights, blatantly ignoring pedestrians and the "No Right on Red" signs, unless of course there's a patrol car in sight 
  2. The dumdums who loudly converse on their phones in public places. Yet, they lower their voices and even cup their free hand over their mouths when communicating embarrassing occurrences.
  3. The dumdums who sing along to their iTunes while walking down the street. Belting out the lyrics, terribly I might add, as if they were auditioning for American Ideal
  4. Everyone between 13 and 27 years old
  5. The dumdums who continue to chitchat even when you stop engaging in the conversation and only contributes constipated ums and nodes
  6. The dumdums who talk back to the screen at movie theaters and act as if they are streaming the film on Netflix in their living rooms
  7. The dumdums who leave their coffee pods in the communal coffee machine and never refill the water tank
  8. The dumdums who never flush the toilet after use
  9. The dumdums who talk on the phone while in a public toilet stall
  10. The dumdums who always tweet pictures without adding meaningful captions. Instagram, dude! 
The list can go on and on, but I digress. The most guilty of all dumdums, besides multi-offenders, are the idiots who still think of IT professionals as "The Computer Guy". Those who solicit unwarranted technology counseling from unsuspecting IT people on the elevator. FYI - that's so not okay. I understand that there are some people who don't realize their faux pas - again no shortage of stupidity. So to all of you out there who don't know better, here are a few words of advice,
  • IT professions are as many and diverse as doctors. There are the general practitioners of helpdesk and Genus barkeepers, the specialists server administrators, DBAs and software developers, and finally the cardiologists and brain surgeons of information security, business analysts, and project managers. Unless you let Dr. Bob who prescribes anti-fungal creme for you scaly feet extract molars and remove your gallbladder, don't expect all IT professionals to know everything about "computers".
  • Guess what dumdum, you are the expert in MS Office not us, because you use it everyday. So, no, it's not okay to casually ask us how to sort an excel sheet in an ascending order and then smirk when we don't tell you the answer.
  • Working in IT is not cool. Let me repeat this for the benefit of those dumdums who don't believe me. WORKING IN IT IS NOT COOL. We are cooped up indoors for 10 hours a day. We have bad posture from sitting all day. We have bad eye sight from staring at a monitor all day. So uncool !
  • We hate the soul-sucking meetings and conference calls we have to attend.
  • It is a thankless job. When anything, and I do mean anything, goes wrong, IT is always to blame or looked upon to solve the issue. Toilet clogged? Call IT! We are very very busy cleaning up other people's shit, so please when that very important document doesn't print, make sure the printer is turned on before shooting a ticket at your helpdesk.
  • Yes, we think that all non-technical people are stupid idiots who could not find their asses if they weren't parked on the seats underneath them. Please prove us wrong.

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