Saturday, February 16, 2013

Gotta Be Somebody

There's on old lady I often see riding the train. She has short gray hair and wears amusing winter caps, I guess that's why I noticed her in the first place. Sometimes I see her on the train, other times I see her on the platform. We walk along the same path from the station. I suppose we live on the same street, only she turns left and I turn right. Sometimes I see her walking around town. She is always alone, with a somber expression on her face. 

Tonight, while picking up dinner from the corner diner, I saw her sitting at a table by the door. She was eating dinner and reading a book. She was sitting there with her short gray hair and knitted cardigan, as always, all alone. As I looked at her I realized that she's me in 30 years. That will be me sitting there at the table by the door, eating dinner and reading a book, all alone. My eyes teared up as I exited on my way home. 

I don't want to be the lonely old lady, but I don't know what to do about it. I can deal with solitude for short durations. But the idea that this is it, forever; and forever is God knows how long, pushed my over the edge. Sure, I can cry and feel sorry for myself. That is all I can really do about it, but I wasn't in the mood for a sad mood that night. I ate my dinner in bed, as always, all alone. Then I went to you tube to look up a music video that would better express how I was feeling. I like to live my life vicariously through songs, movies, and books. I turned on the video, got up out of bed and lip synched my heart out. As always, I was all alone smiling and playing the air guitar, knowing that there's gotta be somebody for me out there.  

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